why?

why cant i have that feeling?
the feeling that everyone here are having
at this moment, right now...

they have....
the feeling of joy..
the feeling of excitement..
the feeling of eagerness..
the feeling of impatience..
the 'cant wait' feeling..

i have....
the feeling of sadness..
the feeling of ungratefulness..
the feeling of sorrow..
the feeling of burdensome..
the 'dont want to' feeling..

that spot..
where everyone else have been wanting to go..
but i dont..

that thingy..
which everybody else is so excited over..
but i am not..

that people..
who everyone else have been wanting to meet..
but i have a mixed feeling..

that period..
that everyone else have been waiting for so long..
but i am not..

that warmness..
which everyone else have been feeling each time..
but i cant..

how ungrateful i am...
forgive me..
from deep of my heart..
this is not what i want..
but i cant help it..
i am the bad guy after all..
blame me for all those feelings..
(TT_TT)