apparently i know how jeremy felt when he rode the bus,

though jeremy is not a real character,

but the feelings are for real.

experienced it just now,

my mind flail here and there, back and forth,

suddenly tears rolled down.

wiped it away,

but then here they go again.

there are people in there,

lucky they dont know me..

lucky they didnt actually see me, i hope..

just what the heck is wrong with me?

messed up

i am very unstable recently,

there is always something that seems wrong to me

the thoughts come frequently...

this thing is blablabla

that thing is blablabala

they blablabla

she blablabla

he blablabla

and especially,, me blablabla

not that other things/people are wrong

it's just actually me, i know..

maybe all of this iniatiated when that thing happened

i really2 dont expect it to happen...

hell i hate it when it happened!!!

it almost happen several times b4

but i've manage to avoid by getting rid of it

shooing it all faraway so that no one would never ever know,

emptying the hatefulness

bad thoughts and sayings

yet, there are some leftovers left,

that's what make me feel so stupid,

i should have purify it all 100% without any dirts,

but i dont.....

now that it had happened

i cant get rid of it from my mind

it's the thing that i really want to forget,,

coz it hurt me so much

that i everyday i will think of it

and being hurt everytime

i just can hold back everytime it came

alone without no one else need to know

forcing my eyes to shut

everytime it came when i was about to sleep

always put me in blame and guilt

shame and feeling like a fool

why am i so careless?

just like a fool

to let it to happen while i can actually avoid it again

i have seen it coming,

but i just let it still right there..

believing that it would've never been broken...

but hey, isnt it too obvious?

and bang!

it exploded with just one shot..

and i hate that really,

i really am!

i dont let other people see this side of me

i smile, talk, laugh jokingly

but there are times when it's bleeding inside...

i have never cried in front of others,

or voice out my real probs to them,

coz i dunno how to and i dont want to..

but honestly, this sem is the one among the times i've been here..

the one when i shed tears the most without anyone knows.

how could have it happened?

yes, every cloud has a silver lining

it's very true

and i've found and see it

but still...... it hurts

coz i have not make my heart as sincere as it should

i should purify my heart

and seek for forgiveness

it's the best thing i should do..

wishes, dilemma & practical

first of all lemme start wit some bday wishes...
yay~~~~!!!!!!

24th,,,,
my dearest roomate...
jang, jang jang~~~~!!!!
anis juwairiyah bt edrus...
p/s: cewah,, bajet study la tu... ekekekeke~~!!!! XD
epi bday dear...
may all of ur hopes in the wishlist be achieved...
amiin...
be happy always...
smile, smile, smile...
but dont OVERsmile, ok....
dont take others' problems too serious till that it affects u...
just take it easy maaaa...
and wish u the very best in all ur choices,,
ur doings,, ur studies,,
ur activities,, ur dreams,,
and whatever yours...
(^.^)
gonna miss u if u r really going to pursue ur stdy at other place...
good luck~!

proceed,,,
25th...
my classmate since 1st sem till today...
siti noratiqah bt samat
epi bday sayang~~~~
ko patot berbangge sbb ak wish ko kat cni,,,
bukan sebarang org ak ubuh nme penuh diye kat cni..
though u may actually not read this,,, haha!!!!
XD

another 25th,,,,
sakurai sho..
otanjoubi omedetaou gozaimasu~~~~!!!!

and another 25th,,,,
lee junho aka mini-rain
nomu saengil chukhahae~~~!!!
oh, he really looks like rain!!!

and last but not least,,,,
26th
kim jaejoong-shi....
nomu nomu nomu saengil cukhakhae~~~!!!!
the prettiest boy i have ever known
though he dont know me,,,
haha!!!

---------------------------------------------------------------

i am in dilemma...
big, big dilemma....
what should i do???
confused, afraid, uncertain!!!!
it is full of maybes!!!!
which one should i choose???
medic, pharmacy or dentistry???

MEDIC
it's a branch of bio and more bio
maybe i can endure with lots of bio
urmmm,, maybe la....
but then,,,
i dunno if i can endure the tensionness of being a doctor
a work that need a full and strong desire self
a work that need a heart of sacrification and strong will,
a heart of volunteering to sacrifice
and i know that i am not that type of person..
i am not a person
who can just forget or stop
the enjoyness or craziness of life
just like that...
plus,,
i am now not sure
if i can endure all the gross thingy of human body,,
though i was once okay
with the pics or vids some people consider as gross,
but today,,
it's kind of weird..
i dunno what had happen
yes, i still can see lots of blood,
i can see some of those thingy,,
but since i have never been in the operation room,
the real one,
unlike people who had apply for jpa once ago,,,
so i dunno and i am not sure which am i..
brave enough or not

PHARMACY
it's a branch of bio and chemistry,,,
hmmmm... chemistry....
organic makes me crazy sometimes,,
this is the elementary organic i am talking about,
not the expert level.. b
ut maybe of hard work, study and revision
maybe i can accept it well..
but then,,,,
pharmacist is the one who are not dealing with people
they only deal with medicine all the time...
and most of the time alone...
can i endure the loneliness in working??
maybe not kot...
perhaps i'll talk alone the kill the boredom
i'll just walk back and forth in front of the medicine stocks
oh. music can help..
but is it appropriate to listen to it while working..?
urm, the point is, i'll b working alone
and i think i am not a person who can endure loneliness
i prefer to have a room with roomates rather than a single person room,
i prefer to go shopping with others rather than alone,
eh ye ke?
i even prefer to go to cafe all along with people rather than by myself
maybe i like to be alone too,, sometimes..
how bout all the times?
yes? NO?

DENTISTRY
it's a branch of bio and physics...
and, dang! i hate physics..
maths is quite okay, but physics...
i dont like numbers with applications!
and my results so far for physics are only so-so..
i once got 4/10 for the quiz..
and dizzyiness come while i answer the questions,,
coz physics is not about to remember all the formulas and concepts
we have to be able to manipulate the formulas
in all situations and applications given
which i dont empower how to...
physics always give me headache
and screams on the questions,
yes,, other subject too
but not as worst as physics i guess
but then,,,
the work of dentist is not as hard as doctor,
as it is not of overall of the human body to be work with,
yes, people's mouth can be gross too,
but it's not as gross as human's body
and it is not as lonely as pharmacist,
as we still have to deal with people and all,
meeting and treating patient.
yet,, t
he work is about all the same routine over again,
and it give a tendency to have backache..
and plus PHYSICS...

*sigh*
the interview can be anytime now
i was once sure to be a dentist
though mom wants me to a doctor
but now,,
i am confused again...oh, crap!!!!

YA ALLAH YA TUHANKU,
berikanlah aku petunjuk Mu,,
tunjukkanlahku jalan yg terbaik untuk diriku..
sesungguhnya ENGKAU Maha Mengetahui apa yg kami tidak ketahui...
AMIIN~

----------------------------------------------------

just done my chemistry practical exam just now
i dunno how i was doing overall,,
yes, trembling is a must...
there are TWO things that i consider as mistakes,,
ah, it is surely mistakes!
and these are mistakes that are in my concious,,,

first,,,
the instruction is
"put one spatula of solid in 10ml of water"...
then, shouldn't i supposely put the water first into the beaker
and only then put the solid, kan???
but i did it vise versa,
i put solid first than water,,
am i wrong or it actually doesn't matter???
who knows????
raise ur hand pls...

and the second thing,
the verbal question i got
"this is chemical or physical separation?"
i am always blur,
sooo blur at on-the-spot question
my head was processing,,,
"errr,,, this is filtration,,, s
ooo the separation is,,
errrr,,, aaaaaaa,, chemical? ke physical?
phsical? ke chemical?"
and when i have not done thinking yet,,
my mouth, out of suden said "chemical?"
argh!!!!! dang it!!!
and the brother who evaluates me nodded,
and then i was,,, huh? what the
he then said "okay boley amek henset, mekaseh"
meaning i have lost my opportunity to give a correct answer
isnt it supposed to be physical separation????
then why did i answer chemical separation????
as soon as i am out,,
i almost scream out of concious...
but there were cleaners out there
i actually scream when the cleaners were out of my sight,
and i squeak all the way back,,
though there were people all around..
but it's a silent squeak,,
haaaaaa...
i was more nervous on the way back compared to on the way i came... huuuuuuuuuuuuuh~~~~!!!!!!!
how about mistakes that i aint realised????

pergh!!!!!!

baru lepas kne spotcek bilik...

huish!!! siot je...

giat btol duk kutip saman...

kaya~~ kaya~~

(saman)x^3 + (saman)x^2 + (saman)x + saman = fellow=makgad/pakgad

bankrup+pokai+botak+poketkering+dompetberabok+akaunkosong=student

(~..~)

urmmm...

hannan and kim youngwoon@kangin,,,
nomu saengil chukhahae~~~!!!!
though it's on the 17th...
mian that im late by 2hours...
saranghae~! ~<3

가고 싶어요!

이런 젠장!!

가고 싶어요!

가고 싶어요!!

나도 가고 싶어!

그들을 만나고 싶어!

그들을 만나보세요!

내가 어떻게 갈 수 ?!?!?!?!

난 돈이 필요 !!!!!

난 갈 여유가 없어!!

오, 무슨 ?!?!?!!?

난 돈을 싶어 ...!!!!!

훜훜훜 !!!!!!

(ㅠ.ㅠ)

eyh?!?!?!?!?!

xiah junsu has a facebook??????

nani????

huh?!?!?!?!?!

just whadda????

(~.~)

oh?!?!?! wow~~~~~!!!!!!

oh?!?!?!

miracles can actually happen!!!!!

and it happens to me today..

TWO oh them!!!!!! i repeat,,, TWO!!!

wooohooooooo!!!!!

im happy! im happy!

gahahahaha!!!

first, thingy that i have hoped to be happened,,,

and it really happened in the very last minute...

oh,,, lucky~~~!!!

what is it???

ehmmmmm,, let it be a secret...

hohohoho~~~!!!!

second,,, i've been flailing a lot in fb lately,,,

and guess what,, i've found 2pm's members profile..

oh??? is it a fake???

but i believe that they are not fakey..

and, and today is junsu's bday,,

so i made a wish in his wall...

and he actually reply back,,

though he reply back to all of the wishes,,

but still im happy,,, over the moon!!!!

what a thoughtful idol he really is..

oh, all right,, just ignore this crazy girl...

hehe!!! (^.^)V

tak kisah la farisham nak kte" pompuan melayu ni syok seniri kat mamat korea" ke ape ke...

or,, syarif nak kte "korean freak" ke ape ke...

or hariz nak kte "haisyh,, x abes2 dari dulu smpy skrg, korea, korea,korea"

i just dont freaking care!!!

lalalalaaaaa~~~~

oh and,,

suju is actually coming here in march,,,

ehhhmmmm,, i wont go i guess....

(~.~)

qyla,,, i am so freaking jelous with u lah~!!

and i just had a feeling,,

after watching you're beautiful,,

adressing someone 'oppa' is like errr,,

although they are of fandoms,,

like kangin-oppa, junsu-oppa,

it's just doesnt feel right... =P

what im actually trying to say is,,,

'hyung' sounds much more cooler,,

then, ummu give a suggestion...

she said "what bout 'abang' "

gahahahaha!!!!

like what? abang taecyeon???

ouh!!!! goosebump!!! yucks!!!

and how bout 'abe~'

like, abe donghae~~~

ouhhh!!!! yucks!!! triple goosebump!!!

all right, all right!!!!

just shut this unnecessary stupid blabberings...

let's just address them by their name though they are older,,,

so what kan???

like they would even know,,, not~~~~!!!!

oh, oh!! one more!!!

b2st/beast is cool too!!!!!

neon jeongmal mystery, mystery

haha!!!

p/s: i like doojoon and kikwang/aj

(>o<)

one word

HUNGRY~~~~~!!
(@___@)

i guess

it's been a long time since im lolling bout something in ere,,
guess what,
and i only got 1 entry for december..
hoho~~!!

now, that im back again,,,
hurmmm.... let's see....

24th december,,
aiba-kun birthday,,
otanjoubi omedetou...! ^^

then 25th,, it's ema,,
eppi burfday ma..!!
i wonder why,,
everytime i look at kim junsu of 2pm,,,
i'll always remember her...
haha!!!

up next, 27th..
it's of the new fandom,, 2pm-ok taecyeon's,
saengilchukhamnida~~~!!

other than that,, 1st of january,,
a whole brand new,, and it's lee sungmin of suju..
haha!!! recently when i look at him,,
it's like im going to like him again just like before,,
before i am into kangin and donghae..
ain,, gomen ne~~~
and also xiah junsu's official bday..

lagi.......????
hurmm,, if there is more,, i'll update again..

plus,,, recently im soooo into 2pm..
what??
1st im a cassie,,
next im an ELF,,
then V.I.P,,
also one of arashian,,
and now hottest...
haha!!! i've been only,, repeat ONLY five fandoms so far..
and like ummu has said,, too many fandom is not good for our health,,
but how can i resist them??
gahahaha!!! im just one crazy fangirl~~

would update more bout 2pm, if i flail again later,,
or of im too lazy to pop-in here,,
then,, i'll just let the entry to be in my heart..
hohohoho!!!

it's good to be back here again,,
though actually i have so many to tell,,
yet,, i am a lazy bum,,
so they all have to wait to be in,,
or probably never would...
=P